What is Grief and Loss?
Counselling for Grief and Loss
Grief affects everyone in different ways and the experience of bereavement is dependent upon the unique context of the loss. Since Freud, grieving and mourning have been conceived as the processes whereby the bereaved person adjusts to the reality of their loss, enabling them to disengage from the deceased and reinvest in new relationships.
Losing something or someone important to you can be difficult. You may experience grief and a wide range of emotions that come and go over time. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Counselling can help to put things into perspective, even if it simply being listened to and not challenged.
Common Signs of Grief
-
sadness or depression
-
feeling numb, shock or disbelief
-
feelings of abandonment
-
tiredness
-
problems sleeping or vivid dreams
-
losing your appetite
-
difficulty concentrating
-
being angry or irritable
-
feeling relieved or guilty
-
low self-esteem
-
feeling frightened, anxious, helpless or lonely
-
could lead to possible addiction
Counselling in Lincoln and Louth
How Long Does Grieving Last?
There is no set time for grieving. Some feelings can come back many times throughout your life. This often happens around important dates such as anniversaries and birthdays.
There are lots of ways to conceptualise the grieving process. One of the most common ways, created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, is the five stages of grief model. This model posits that a grieving person goes through five emotional states throughout the grieving process:
#1: Denial—the feeling that the loss can’t be real
#2: Anger—rage at the loss
#3: Bargaining—the impulse to try to “trade” away the loss (or the feelings of loss). May involve ruminating over what you could have done differently. With bereavement, often accompanies the feeling that “it should have been me instead”
#4: Depression—feeling hopeless and sad about the loss
#5: Acceptance—accepting that the loss has happened and that life will continue
However it is also known that there are often no clear stages of grief. Your thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms are unique to you. They can come and go over time. With time and support, most people find that their grief becomes less intense. That does not mean that you are over your grief or you have forgotten the person who has died. You may still have low days or difficult days. But your grief does not stop you from doing everyday things. The advice is always the same, seek professional counselling to help you through these mile stones in life.
How to Try and Help Yourself
There are things you can try to help with your grief:
-
Talk about your loss and feelings - this can be with family, friends, a support group, or a healthcare professional such as a GP or counsellor.
-
Get back to a routine and everyday activities when you can - be patient with yourself if you have difficult days.
-
Accept emotional and practical support from others.
-
Ask others to be with you when you need support.
-
Ask for time alone if you need it.
-
Find ways to keep a connection to the person who has died - for example looking at photos or telling stories about them.
-
Prepare what you would like to do around important dates such as anniversaries, birthdays and holidays.
Counselling for Grief and Loss
Whilst there is a natural cycle for how we deal with grief or a bereavement, Counselling and Psychotherapy offers an opportunity to share the experience. It also provides a caring relationship to explore and look for ways to alleviate the painful experience of believing that life will never be the same and that it is not possible to imagine feeling better. Person Centred Counselling often helps those suffering from grief and loss.
There are six major things a grief counsellor can do for you.
-
Address your feelings: A grief counsellor or grief therapist will help you identify, express, and productively manage all of the emotions you are feeling. For example, you may find yourself feeling profound anxiety or experiencing panic attacks; a grief counsellor can aid in anxiety management.
-
Identify coping mechanisms and support systems: a good grief counsellor will help you identify your personal coping mechanisms and aid you in replacing unhealthy ones (like substance use) with healthy ones (like exercise). They will help you identify support systems and resources in your own life that you can access.
-
Address your particular needs: Grief counsellors can also help you deal with grief issues specific to your particular grief situation. For example, if you are a spiritual or religious person, you may find yourself questioning your beliefs or feeling angry with higher powers. A grief counsellor can help with your spiritual struggles.
-
Deal with the impacts of the loss: Grief counselling techniques help the griever come to terms not only with the loss itself, but with the impact of the loss. A major loss can change you as a person, so you may also find yourself also mourning your old self in addition to the loss. A loss may also cause a dramatic change in your financial situation or plans. A grief counsellor can typically connect you with other resources you may need, like support groups, financial advisors, and so on.
-
Set goals: Grief counsellors can help you set manageable goals in your life and create schedules that help keep you moving forward and returning to regular tasks, but provide enough allowance for you to manage your grief.
-
Help you manage setbacks: A grief counsellor will help you manage any setbacks in the grieving process and reassure you that what you are going through is normal.
If you would like to know more and book a counselling session please do get in touch.
